


The Perfect Distraction

by anasticklefics



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29242413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anasticklefics/pseuds/anasticklefics
Summary: Diego needs to keep busy so that the grief won’t kill him, and he decides that teaching Five how to properly fight is the best way. Only Five won’t stop teleporting out of his hold, so he’s forced to use the knowledge that Five can’t teleport while laughing against him.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Diego Hargreeves
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	The Perfect Distraction

If Diego had thought he could just go back to his regular routine after they’d averted the apocalypse, he’d been dead wrong. At any rate, infiltrating crime scenes and kicking people’s asses and trying to get used to a life with his siblings back in it was a good distraction from the grief that would grip him each time a police car rolled up to almost catch him doing their job for them. Mopping the floors of the gym had never taken this long, only because he always did each task twice, leaving it spotless just to avoid going to bed.

Everything was a little more pronounced now. A little too much of a reminder of everything he’d lost, and, he reckoned, won.

So he used the biggest change of his life to his advantage and started hanging out with his siblings again. Couldn’t hurt, right?

It wasn’t just that he was seeing Klaus, Luther, Allison and Vanya again, though, because suddenly Five was back in the picture, and, to a certain degree, Ben. Dead Ben. Yeah, that Ben. They only saw him in glimpses; the remainder of their interactions going primarily through Klaus, but he could see Five clearly. Five, acting like a grumpy man, in his pre-teen body. Diego had never considered them all more freaks than he did now.

But… well, it did the trick. He kept busy. It wasn’t hard, and after a day filled with countless activities, he almost always passed out immediately. To say that he was grasping at straws in order to find things to occupy himself with would be an understatement.

“You. Me. The gym.”

Five’s unimpressed face greeted him as he fully entered the room. “No.”

“No?”

“I can’t go to a gym looking like this. They’ll throw me out.”

Diego snorted. “Fair. Okay. My place then.”

“Can I ask why?”

“You’re too reliant on your powers,” Diego said, giving his arm a slap. “What if something happens and you can’t use them?”

“I doubt that.”

“Come on. You nearly succumbed to the strain after teleporting us all. You have to learn how to fight.”

“I wouldn’t say I _succumbed_.”

“You definitely succumbed.”

“Hey, just because you’ve learnt a new word-”

Diego acted on instinct. It was as if he, too, was back in his 13-year-old body when he reached out and poked Five like he’d used to before a proper tickle fight broke out. It was the very same, only Five’s reaction was entirely different than he remembered.

“Are you done?”

“I could’ve sworn you used to be ticklish.”

“I’m too old for that nonsense.”

“Maybe, but your body’s the same, isn’t it?” He tried to poke him again, but Five jumped back.  
  
“Stay away from me.”

“Spar with me and I’ll stop.”

“Goddamn- _fine_. Whatever. Lead the way.”

As if to prove a point, Five let Diego drive him. He had to admit it was an awkward ride, but he felt triumphant. This would probably take all afternoon. Maybe all week, if Five really allowed him to teach him stuff.

The perfect distraction.

Only Five didn’t allow him to do shit. Each time Diego had him in a hold, prompting him to break away from it with the moves he’d shown him, Five teleported away instead. Diego had never wanted to punch that 13-year-old smirk off of his face more.

“You’re not _listening_.”

“Neither are you!” Five retorted, equally frustrated. “I don’t need to fight anyone off. I can just-”

“And what if that doesn’t work, hmm? What if someone manages to figure out a way to make you unable to do it?”

“Humor me,” Five said, crossing his arms. “What, exactly, would they do?”

It was an instinct again. An old habit that had never withered and died, but as Diego grabbed for him again it was as if his mind caught up with his body and suddenly he knew exactly how to get Five to take this seriously.

Five wasn’t amused. “Let go of me, you-” But just as he made to teleport away, Diego started tickling him in earnest. Poking had never worked on Five anyway, he now realized.

“You said to humor you,” Diego said as he pinned his brother down and started scribbling at his ribs. “Look at you laughing.”

Five was laughing, and it was, disturbingly enough, adorable to hear the giggling come out of him so freely. Diego briefly pictured himself tickling a 58 year old, and almost started laughing as hard as Five was.

“Stop it!” he screeched, all the thunder in his demands drowned out by the rise in his pitch. “You’re dead, Diego. Dead!”

“Break out of my hold,” he said, fingers fluttering over Five’s neck now. “and then you can threaten me.”

He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this - how much he’d missed Five - until he witnessed his brother curling up in a ball just like in old times, the laughter and sensation too much for him to teleport away. It was endearing, that the one thing that rendered him useless was laughter. It was the only cute thing about him.

Five tried. Oh, he tried. Heels digging into the floor. Arms being raised in order to attempt shoving him off only for Diego to get his armpits and making him quickly bring them down again. The threats died down once his laughter intensified, but Diego could practically hear them anyway. Wiggle to his side. _I’m gonna fucking kill you_. Squeeze to his knees. _I will skin you alive_. Maybe the best part was that Diego knew Five wouldn’t do shit, really. Maybe tickle him back, thought he doubted it. Pout and be grumpy for three hours? More likely.

He couldn’t wait to tell Klaus.

“Air!” Five suddenly cried. “I need _air_ , you big-”

Diego backed off, and Five waited all of five seconds before he teleported himself to Diego’s other side, for some reason. Panting, a heap on the floor, still occasionally giggling.

_Fucking adorable pain in the ass_. Seriously, him looking like a kid was _not_ good for Diego’s reputation.

“Will you try to break away yourself this time?” Diego asked, arms crossed.

Five, with his dimple still showing, attempted to glare at him. “I regret the day you were born.”

Diego stood up. “It was the same day you were born, genius.”

“And look where it got me.”

“Come on. None of that weird nihilistic humor kids these days use.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“Fight me.”

“Oh, I intend to.”

It became a war, after that. Apparently Five very much wanted to tickle him back, only he used his teleporting powers to get him quickly before disappearing again, and it kept Diego on edge for days. But hey, at least he was distracted.


End file.
